Yoo 325 - He Stares At Me

This greeted me, upon venturing downstairs yesterday morning:

I've lived in my condo for almost two years now and have never seen a cockroach! Why now?? The nasty dude was huge too.

Now, had it been a snake, I'd be moving. But I can stand cockroaches...as long as they're just crawling on the floor. And not next to me.

However, I didn't feel like touching it at the time. So bustle about the condo, looking for ideas, and then this happened:

I didn't want him getting away! (though i'm fairly certain he was dead). Here's too hoping the Gregbeau will come over and take care of it for me...*batting eyelashes*

(kind of like those times when he's super amazing and fills up my water pitcher in the fridge, without ANY complaining, whatsoever...) <--don't miss that hint of sarcasm

I just realized the title of this post could be referring to that there cockroachy bug. But it's not. There's more. (always...)

Sometimes, (on very rare occasions) I'll get all emotional for reasons other than being hungry or tired. It's usually when there's something I'm not particularly looking forward to that is approaching. Like a grueling run or giving a presentation at work or making a phone call (i hate making phone calls). I'll dread and fret and stress and "My world is ending! There will be no more happiness in my life until this is over!" outburst.

It's rather dramatic.

The funny thing is, the "thing" really doesn't bother me. It's just the waiting. The knowing about it and not being able to just get it over with. The time I have to play it out in my mind until it is this terrible monster that is the bane of my existence.

I've always been like this, too.

Case in point: 10ish-year-old Kyoo on summer vacation.

I had a chore list I'd have to complete everyday before I could play. Thursdays were bathroom cleaning days. I HATED cleaning those darn bathrooms. It was the worst part of my week! Every Thursday I'd wake up just dreading the looming task and usually spend most of the day procrastinating it and feeling tortured because I couldn't play.

But that all changed one Thursday. One Thursday morning I'd had enough. For some reason or other, I woke up around 4am and couldn't fall back to sleep. Dread from the worst chore day ever consumed my young mind. It weighed heavily. Something had to be done! Before I could stop myself, I was up and cleaning the bathroom.

"I'll show them!" I thought to myself, referring to my parents. "They'll wake up and the bathroom will already be clean and I can do whatever I want all day!"

Sure enough, I finished cleaning that bathroom in record time (though i don't think my parents appreciated the vacuum running at 4 in the morning...at least that's what they told me later...), went back to sleep, and was able to wake up, on a Thursday no less, without anything to worry about.

It was blissful.

So I guess there are two scenarios here: the scenario in which I am dreading something and procrastinate it, hoping it will go away, and the scenario where I am scheduled to do something and have no control over when it can be completed.

I hate both. And both can turn me into a rather unpleasant being. I'll whine and pout at any opportunity and basically just suck the happiness out of every surrounding living thing.

(i'd like to say i'm exaggerating but the gregdude would probably differ).

Lucky for him, I usually cope with this natural tendency by running and meditating. Reminding myself that these are barely even blips on the radar of my life and that all will be well.

But unlucky for him, that's not always enough.

So what does the Gregaid do when he's around me in these lowest of low situations?

He stares at me.

He stares at me with his mouth turned just so and his eyes opened wide like a puppy. It's the most ridiculous of looks. And I hate it.

Oh I hate it!

He does it every time and every time I'll buckle every restraint I have in my body to not look at him and to not break "Woe is me!" character and to not, heaven forbid, show any crack of a smile.

And I never last longer than 3 seconds. No matter how down in the dumps I might be.

It irks me so much! I'll try to ignore it for the first 3 seconds. And then I'll spend the next 2 seconds displaying these awkward "I'm smiling but I'm trying to hide it" face twitches. And then I'll just give up and start laughing and tell him he's dumb. But I'll be bitter for the first 20 seconds of that because his stupid approached worked, yet again.

I hate it.

But if I could keep just one picture of my Gregbeau, forever, it would be a snapshot of that face. Because it is the most caring, reassuring, "Quit being ridiculous" look I ever did spy.  And I actually love it to pieces.

And him.

Have a great day :-)