Remember how I'm supposed to be competing in an Ironman right now?
Me too.
Wednesday I was thinking: "I should be starting the long road trip up to Lake Tahoe..."
Thursday I was thinking: "I should be acclimatizing, renting a wet suit and going for a test swim..."
Friday I was thinking: "I should be picking up my race packet, checking in my bike and feeling really, really nervous..."
Right now I'm thinking: "I should be finishing the swim and getting ready to jump on my bike..."
Tomorrow I'll be thinking: "I should be an Ironman Finisher right now..."
It's kind of painful and bitter. I hate giving up on something I'm passionate about. Something I know I can do and have wanted to do for a while.
I hate quitting.
But it was too much. Juggling work and the part-time job of training and planning a wedding. I never officially made up my mind to not do the Ironman, it just kind of happened each Saturday as I wasn't able to put in the longer and longer training hours.
Not to mention the cost of getting to Lake Tahoe.
In one way, it was a relief. Getting my Saturdays back and not having to push my body thru 10+ hours of strenuous activity. I mean, that wears a mere mortal down.
However in another way I feel like I took the easy road out. I could have pushed myself harder! It would almost be over now! Everything eventually ends, you've just gone to hang in there!
Sigh.
There's going to be a big, bold "DNS" next to my name. How's that for shameful?
Good thing I have a new last name!
Ha.
Excuse my while I hole up and read Calvin and Hobbes for the rest of the day, in a futile attempt to adopt the imagination of a 6-year-old and distract my mind from what should have been.
Have a great day :-)
2 comments:
While "I did it" is a great feeling, you will find in your new life that each of your only achieve your goals when the other one is actively supporting you in it. Go find a new goal that you can both agree on and find the satisfaction of "We did it!" (Oh yeah, and planning and making a wedding happen is no small task, so give yourselves credit for having accomplished something great.)
You always have great advice Stanley. :-)
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