Thursday, September 27, 2012

Yoo 420 - It Became An Analogy on Chivalry and Marriage Pollution

I have decided that husbands can be just as chivalrous as boyfriends.

Because my two months of marriage now qualifies me to make such distinctions.

So I have decided that they can be even MORE chivalrous BUT you have to remember to put your WIFE lenses on.

Actually, I can't tell if the right analogy here is to put on darker lenses or rosier lenses or maybe just remove the lenses completely? I think you want clear lenses to catch as much chivalry as possible, like the setting sun. You want nothing to block your view from those last, soaring rays!

But that's a little depressing. Like the chivalry is on it's way out? That's not what I want.

Let's go with this. Chivalry is a perpetual sun at noon day. Never sets. Only, you get married and that introduces a little pollution. You know, you spend more time with each other, there's more traffic on the relationship streets, more chance for pollution.

Do clouds sound nicer?

I think pollution is more accurate.

Plus, we have no control over clouds. But pollution? Pollution we have control over. Bicycles. Carpooling. Hybrid vehicles. Becoming a hermit and never leaving the house.

All viable options for reducing pollution.

But this is an analogy, let's not forget it.

The cool thing about the analogy NOW is, not only are both parties responsible for the perceived loss of chivalry, but you can learn to look thru the fog AND/OR reduce the pollution.

I like options. And evolving analogies, apparently.

Now for the inevitable examples that might seem to borderline spousal boasting.

First, recognizing and *GASP*, finding opportunities to reduce the clouding effects of pollution.

Take this morning, for instance. My wife pollution (hitting the snooze button, taking too long to get ready, insisting on picking up bagels for the office, forgetting my work badge) smogged up his chivalrous acts of driving all the way home to retrieve said work badge and then still dropping me off at work, despite being very late for class. He even slowed down and shoved the bagels at me on my way out so I wouldn't forget those, too.

And later, when I was stuck working but really wanted to be eating dinner, it was my hunger and impatience clouding his noble-minded intentions when he disappeared and came back over an hour later with, not only Costco pizza, but raspberries and Drano. Because the raspberries "looked delicious" and he can't stand our swimming pool slip-and-slide shower any longer. Try to tell me that a husband taking ownership of household drain functionality, with a side of raspberries, is not chivalrous!

You can't. Because it is. You just have to see it thru the marriage...pollutants?

Pollution still sounds a little harsh, doesn't it? But lets remember that not all pollutants kill. We're not throwing around toxic rain here. Just a few, light emissions...every now...and again.

Ok, so my analogy isn't perfect. Nevertheless, continuing on!

You probably won't ever entirely be rid of pollutants, but you can sure sport those super-clear shades and tune your chivalric antennas!

Like this evening, on a walk, he pointed out a port-a-potty and saved me from squatting between two concrete barriers. It was a desperate situation and I even recovered from the deathly smell of baked urine. There was toilet paper! Score! I probably never would have had the nerve to use that port-a-potty without the encouragement of my shining Greglovah.

And, recently, when he left me at home, alone, on one of our few-and-far-between actual free evenings, it was really because he wanted to win me some swanky prizes at his school-sponsored gambling night (fake money! let's not start the rumors!).

Bonus round, that one night he decided it was crucial he solve his rubix cube in bed? Duh! He's showing me that there is more to him than cuddling and whispered sweet-nothings. He's got problem-solving skills. He can do puzzles! He can roll with the best of the nerds! He's giving me something to brag about from my little wife corner!

I tell you, chivalry is alive and well in marriage, pollution aside.

And now you've heard it from the expert.

My first month of marriage would have really liked to have known that. Why is that in month two's curriculum? Maybe the third month is when I'll learn how to be a lady? Cause every knight needs a lady.

It would probably start with taking care of my rotting smoothie glass that's been sitting in the bathroom for 3 days...

Have a great day :-)

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