Thursday, February 20, 2014

Yoo 589 - HRA and Ear Mites and Other Pests

 ^^ this has nothing to do with this post, but it's a monkey ^^

 ^^ now two monkeys ^^

 ^^ and a couple zebra bums. see? pictures not of my dog! ^^

I had my health risk assessment today at work. It wasn't as bad as I'm going to make it sound but it could be considered one of the day's pests.

First, there's a bit riding on these HRAs. They're worth 600 of the 1,000 "healthy points" one needs to lower next year's health insurance premiums by a significant sum of money. To put that in perspective, one trip to the gym equals 3 healthy points. And eating 6 or more healthy items at lunch in a week equals 3 healthy points. Eat 5 or more fruits and vegetables every day for a whole month? Twenty-five healthy points. All of these take a lot of effort and require eating vegetables while the HRA takes very little effort and requires no eating of vegetables and also, it's worth 600 points. A significant catapult towards the 1,000 and about a million less vegetables to consume.

Even counting the vegetables on all my pizzas, I don't think I'd come close to their recommendations on vegetables. And they don't give you any points for taking a multivitamin! Lame. It's as if those are worthless or something...

But there's a caveat to this whole HRA thing and that caveat is you have to score at healthy levels on all of your tests.

This means fasting for 12 hours before and usually makes for the worst morning of my life. I just love trying to focus on challenging work tasks while my stomach is collapsing into a black hole and I'm mere inches away from a cookie that could stop my whole world from ending. Except the opposite because I don't love that.

It was a long 4 hours till my appointment and not much was accomplished other than successfully not eating.

The HRA part was fine, except they took my blood sample first and then told me to relax for my blood pressure reading. It's hard to relax when your finger has a heartbeat and it's freezing in the room and you're aware of the 100 points that are on the line if you don't relax.

I did it though and the consensus is that I most likely will not die due to health issues in the next year. And 600 points.

I've decided that one of these years though, when I'm confident I can accumulate the required healthy points without having to rely so heavily on the HRA, I'm going to drink sugar water until I'm seeing sparkles right before my assessment. Just to see what it does to the results.

Now, ear mites.

My dog has ear mites! It's pretty itchy for him but absolutely tragic for me. I can handle wrestling him and putting drops in his ears and massaging them and even cotton swabbing all the grossness. BUT THE SMELL. Sweet Cheetos the smell. The first couple seconds weren't bad. Like, hey, this is unpleasant but I can retain my composure. That's because the stank bombs were still in transit and wiggling their way into every microscopic crevice in my nose. When they went off it was as if even my soul was penetrated with the most noxious of fumes. There was gagging and heaving, yet I pressed on with the cleaning.

I really love this animal.

The smell lingered long past the last Q-tip and I eventually found myself in the kitchen trying to fumigate my nose with anything to offer relief. Lemon extract? Not powerful enough. Garlic? Closer. It was in the cutting of an onion that salvation was offered. I practically rubbed it under my nose. There was a tricky balance to it though, as my nose thought it was a bouquet of roses but my eyes were reacting to the true terror that onion actually is.

A pathetic moment for sure.

On top of all that, there's at least one mouse in the house pooping on all my things. I'm disgruntled enough with it that I purchased the 98 cent mouse traps and am hoping those do the trick. If not, I'll have to shell out for the $1.88 traps. And on up.

Please mouse, cold isn't an excuse anymore. It's been in the 70s/80s. Go outside. Or DIE.

Have a great day :-)

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