Yoo 485 - It's Late, I'm Tired, At Wooooork...

It's nights like tonight that make me feel important, or something like unto it.

I mean, if it wasn't for me, approximately 3 people would probably be wondering where their data was in the morning. It could be more, but who really knows in a gigantic organization. All I know is that stuff went wrong and it's my lot to fix it.

And I'll have you know, fixing it involves doing, like, the second scariest thing ever in IT, and that's backing out tables. I don't know what's scarier than accidentally wiping out data and having to call a database administrator in the middle of the night, but I'll leave that slot open for contenders. Actually, I won't. Nothing is worse than that sinking feeling you get when you realize you've made a huge mistake and must now explain yourself to a DBA.

"Well, it started around midnight. My keyboard wigged out and spelled d-e-l-e-t-e, as keyboards often do. I caught it, but then a masked man held a gun to my head and threatened my life if I didn't hit enter. But of course I wasn't planning on hitting enter! My elbow must have grazed that key as I was going to upper-cut him in the chin...you can fix it, right? The database?"

No matter how you spin it, that is not a conversation you walk away from feeling intelligent. It's that or leave your ID badge at the door and never look back. Both less-than-thrilling options.

Of course I'm not speaking from experience.

But I am speaking from a mental state just south of coherent and I've got a lot of time on my hands. Just watching data move over here. Like grass growing.

Might have to caffeinate.

Did you know I love my dog? So much so that I called and got him a vet appointment a whole day early to get his stitches removed.

Lies.

I did that for myself. His cone is not going to last any longer, judging by the pieces of plastic I've been wrestling from his mouth, and I'm tired of having a bulldozer in my house. A bulldozer that likes to snuggle.

Don't let the cute pictures fool you. He goes crazy on the cone without warning.

I might miss the cone a little tiny bit after tomorrow. Cause really, if you're in the right mood, it's entertaining. Like when he gets it caught on an edge while bounding up the stairs or when you toss him a treat and it gets stuck around his neck (basket!) and he can smell it but can't find it and he keeps arching around in circles searching. Or how it catches all of his drool so he can't wipe it about my house. And these are just SOME of the perks.

That should be gone tomorrow.

Want another story? I've got time.

Roscoe has been quite pleased with himself these past couple afternoons. He's already figured out how to escape from the kitchen while we're at work. Yesterday we found him just on the other side of the gate with his goofy grin plastered across his face and a very tattered cone hanging from his neck.

"I'm so smart." *tail wag*

Today I found him in the living room where he clearly had had a party on the couch. That later moved to the floor. Dork dog hears me opening the door and puts on his innocent disguise.

"What me? I've just been sitting here all day...snoozing...you thought you left me in the kitchen? No...you didn't leave me in the kitchen." *shifty eyes*

And then on Saturday, he helped himself to a $4 loaf of bread, a bunch of bananas, a mango, and half a bag of potato chips.

Perhaps next time we'll put our groceries away before we leave him alone for a few hours. Nothing is safe on the table or counter. Who knew that getting a dog would motivate me to keep a clean house?

Life is a lot less boring with a dog. And a job. Let's not forget the job. I'm certainly not forgetting the job right now.

Here's a picture of a hamburger.

Can you even see the patty? I can't. I guess you'll have to trust me on that one. Wasn't Memorial Day swell? I ate watermelon. And didn't work.

Unrelated, I just did that thing where you rub your eye and the contact floats to the back of your eyeball. It was really fun to fish it out, too. But not as fun as when I realized that I'd put it back in with the finger that I've been twirling my cinnamon gum with all night.

Now I'm crying. But only out of my right eye.

Does data still move when you can only see out of one eye? In fact, it does. Like the Energizer bunny, that data. Just keeps going and going.

We shall move on now. To a picture of a cucumber sized with a roll of Smarties.

The first fruits of our gardening labors. We ate it last week and as of right now I'm still alive so I'm counting the garden a success. So far we've paid like $50 for one cucumber, but boy have we learned heaps! Like how to pull weeds and deal with the depressing fact that there are literally a MILLION more where that ONE came from.

You know how they say you learn something new everyday? Well, there are definitely days that if I knew what I was going to learn that day, I wouldn't get up for it. "Not worth it!" I'd yell as I wrapped a pillow around my head and rolled over. I can't think of anything spectacular that I've learned today. Do you want to hear about Salesforce development?

No?

Whelp then, it's about time to kick off a few more processes and maybe sleep for a few hours. Do you think my husband is waiting up for me with a bouquet of roses and plans to massage my back? Maybe a gift certificate for liposuction because he knows I stress-ate a bit too much Pizza Hut? Maybe these are just thought mirages in the desert of my tired mind.

False hope is a cruel companion at this hour.

PS It's only midnight and I'm acting like I'm dying. Isn't this fun?

Have a great day :-)