Yoo 482 - A Shelf Install "Tutorial"

Exactly three years ago sometime last week, I signed my name on the dotted line....approximately five hundred and seventy-two times...and this condo became mine! It's still one of my favoritest decisions and I love calling this little place home. In honor of that anniversary, here's a tutorial on how to hang a shelf just like me.

First, on a whim, build your own shelf out of cheap scrap wood leftover from other projects. This is a story in and of itself but basically, four weeks later finally declare it finished.

Then, realize you have no easy way to hang the shelf.

Let it sit on your couch for two months.

Get tired of it on the couch and decide you'll just screw it into the wall. Go overboard and buy the 3" screws. Use an old, unreliable stud finder for placement. This part is a scavenger hunt. Your condo is clearly built with zigzagging studs, after all. The stud finder that has spent summer after summer in a painfully hot shed is not to blame.

Get frustrated. Just start drilling. Skip the pilot hole.

Good news, you've hit the stud. Move on to the next screw. Bad news, something is blocking this screw about 2 1/2" in. Discover this only after you've stripped the screw.

Now you're tired and angry and probably hungry. Leave the screw sticking out for a few days while you ignore it and clear your mind.

A week later put your game-face back on. Painstakingly remove the stuck screw with pliers. Leave it on the floor to step on later as a reminder of your failure.

Grab another screw, move it slightly to the left, and go for it again. It'll get stuck. But! You're smarter now. Notice it's stuck, back it out and try for three. Luck, right? Nope.

Swear.

Stomp out to the shed and grab the 1 1/2 inch screws.

On the way back in, realize you're juggling power tools while your husband is watching Mulan. Say something demoralizing to him but offer no suggestions for how he can help. You're too stubborn for that.

Turn your focus back to the shelf. There are now 3 holes to patch up. You don't have any putty on hand so just "fill" the holes with 3 of the smaller screws. Your shelf will be more secure and you can cover them up later...somehow...

While you're at it, hide a few more screws behind the hooks you're installing since half of the shelf is resting on screws only about a quarter of an inch in the stud. Those quarter inches add up.

Finally, install the coat hooks just crooked enough to speculate.

Take a step back and realize just how ridiculous all the extra screws look. Get creative and find some ribbon to cover your tracks. It totally looks better. (it doesn't look better but you don't care anymore). The ribbon doesn't have to match. Just use whatever you have on hand. Duct tape is also acceptable at this point.

And that's it! You're all done! Bonus: it was such a pain in the rear to install the shelf, you'll have no problem overlooking its flaws. At least for a while...

Have a great day :-)